i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
