omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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