Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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