It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
