You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
