mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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