He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
