If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
