I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
