Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize