Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
