I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
