theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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