what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
