you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
