i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
