You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
