I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
