Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
