My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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