I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
