Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
we should paint friendship bongs
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
