i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
