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Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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