I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
