remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
