if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
