I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
