great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
