Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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