I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
