im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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