i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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