I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
