One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
