I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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