I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
