I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
