So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
