I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
