I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The power of my boobs compel you
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
