this just has baby written all over it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
