So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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