The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
