Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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