Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
