im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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