Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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