Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
