I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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