I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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